I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
