i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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