At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
