In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
