my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
