I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
