I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
