What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
