The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize