dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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