Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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