Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
