I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
