Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
