It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
