Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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