Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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