I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
