We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
