dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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