It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize