I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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