i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
