I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Randomize
