Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
