If i come over, it means nothing
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
