they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
