when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize