I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
