He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
