I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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