Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
