Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
