That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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