I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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