Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize