dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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