I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
