She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
