I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the condom got lost in my hair
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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