I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize