You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
