Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize