i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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