so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
