spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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