He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
