and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
