so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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