Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
