one two three fourrrrnication!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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