i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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