one two three fourrrrnication!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize