I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
