you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize