i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
