Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
