i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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