I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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