Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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