Small penises have feelings too.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
