i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
