girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
