Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
