**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
