This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
