So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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