i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
