You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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