so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize