im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
