is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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