He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
