I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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