Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
