Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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