I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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