DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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